He didn't hide his need

First, let me say I even have mixed feelings about writing this, because it involves "good deeds" in which I got to participate yesterday, and I would rather not bring attention to myself for that. But something happened that I didn't stop thinking about for hours afterwards and it was one of those precious, divine moments in life where God used the situation to teach me a greater truth.

As you've probably read from me by now, my church is partaking in tinselectomy this Christmas--ways to get out of our normal rut of Christmas commercialism and consumerism by thinking of others. One of the wonderful things my church did was throw a party last Friday night in which residents from 3 local apartment complexes were invited. In years past, PTCC had actually hosted the party at the largest of the complexes and it was just for the residents there. We've always had great turnout and volunteering at this party has been one of the highlights of my Christmases the last few years.

For various reasons, the party had to be moved off site of that complex this year, so it was held at our church building. This allowed the church to also invite people from a couple other smaller complexes that are government-assisted or sliding-scale rent. We hadn't really had much interaction yet with these places, though, so the residents from these other places didn't really show up. Each family that did come to the party (which were overwhelmingly from the apartments with which we had a relationship) was sent home with, among other things, a sack of groceries. These groceries were provided by the generosity of people from PTCC--each was given an identical shopping list and returned them in reusable grocery bags. The bags contained things from spaghetti and sauce to rice and beans to raisins and jello and even soap and toothpaste, etc.

My friend, who is our church's director of local compassion, decided to load up 40 bags that were left over yesterday and go deliver them to one of the new complexes since the residents hadn't come to the party and received one there. I got to go with her and help deliver them. And here the real story begins....

We drove up to one little building (4 apartments in a bldg.) and began knocking on doors, letting people know our church had put together these bags and we just were delivering them, along with warmly wishing them a Merry Christmas. We had barely begun when a man we had noticed outside on the other side of the apartments came up to us indicating he would love a bag! Indicating, I say, because he wasn't really talking to us. He was making sounds, but they were unclear. Guessing he might not speak English, we tried a few words in Spanish, but still only grunts were returned. We realized he was, to some degree, a deaf/mute and couldn't speak to us. We tried to hand him a bag, but there were heavy and he was not strong--so we did manage to let him know we would be driving around to his building and would take it to him. We told him in English, Spanish, and sign language, that everyone would get a bag.

He smiled and seemed satisfied, so he crossed back to the other side of the street and...stood there...waiting on the sidewalk outside his apartment as we went from door to door methodically around the complex delivering bags of cheer. Over half the apartment doors were opened to us and people gratefully took their bags. I was really surprised by how many people opened their doors to strangers. I guess Christine and I don't look too menacing. :)

When we got to his side of the complex, and with him still standing outside in the cold, we considered just driving to him to give him a bag, but then we wouldn't know which apartment of the 4 it went to and we didn't want to lose our place as we thought we had just enough bags for everyone. We decided to stick with our plan, knowing he'd get his bag in about 10 more minutes. Well, we made our way there and he had the biggest smile! As we walked up, he walked with us a few steps indicating his door and a lady walked out with a smile that really did say, "You weren't kidding, people really are passing out bags!" They took their bag, she said Thank you, he nodded and indicated gratitude and we went on. For the first time, we saw him disappear inside his apartment. As Christine said, he was going to check on the goodies now that he finally got his bag.

While we were still nearby, he came out again to express his gratitude. He liked what he had received! He smiled, we smiled, we moved on and finished the deliveries. We got to the end of the complex, having delivered a bag to each one, so many of the doors of the very modest apartments having a wreath on the outside and tidy postage stamp patios.

We were done and realized we had a couple extra bags. Christine and I were of one mind in a split second--why don't we take one extra bag to the man who so definitely made sure his family had received one. The man who ran up to us upon arrival, then patiently waited outside his apartment for his turn. The man who couldn't speak, but who actually did the most to express gratitude. Why not give him an extra blessing? Why not, indeed?

So, we drove back over there, bag in hand and knocked on his door. He opened the door himself and Christine handed him the bag, simply saying "Mas!" (More!) He reached for the bag and what happened next is a moment I've seen over in my head a dozen times already and I pray I never forget. He locked eyes, took a couple seconds and said, "Thank You!" It was labored, wasn't perfectly enunciated, but he wanted to really say Thank You and he did. Christine and I smiled and left quickly so we wouldn't start crying right there.

What a blessing to witness! And the lesson wasn't over for me. Something like that stays with you for a while--I was grateful to all the people at the church who had spent their time and money shopping so we could receive such a huge blessing being the deliverers. But as I pondered the Giver of all good things, this is what God revealed to me: Why did that man end up getting two bags? Simple: He did not hide his need for grace. He stood out there and ran to us and waved his arms: Hey! Look at me! I'll take some food. I need it! Don't forget my family. I'm not too proud to admit that I don't have everything I need! And I'm grateful for whatever you want to give!

God loves to shower his children with love, grace and blessings. I know this. But do I sometimes not receive what He wants to give me because I simply don't share a need. Do I hide my need for grace behind a facade indicating that I pretty much have what I need and have it together? Sure a blessing here and there might be nice, but for the most part, I'm okay on my own? Do I do that? If I do, I want to be aware of it and stop right now. I want to tell God how needy I am of His goodness and grace for me and my family and loved ones. That I need Him and I am grateful for whatever He wants to give me. This I know--if Christine and I were moved by this man's openness to give a second bag of groceries, great are the gifts my father in Heaven wants to give me if I run after him pursuing His grace!